By Behrang Ajam, Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario

You moved with plans for a shared future. Now conversations may revolve around bills, work, paperwork, or missing home. You may wonder why it feels harder to connect when you need each other so much.

Immigration does not mean a relationship is destined to struggle. It can also bring shared purpose and new possibilities. But it is worth asking how the pressures around the relationship are shaping what happens inside it.

Anxiety can enter everyday conversations

Migration-related uncertainty and difficulties meeting basic needs can affect emotional well-being. Supportive relationships and community connections also matter. This is one reason to consider the wider circumstances when discussing a couple's difficulties. Source: WHO, Mental health of refugees and migrants (https://www.who.int/australia/publications-detail/9789240081840).

Imagine one partner repeatedly asking, “What is our plan?” while the other goes quiet. The first may be looking for reassurance; the second may feel overwhelmed and unsure what to promise. This is an illustration, not a description of every couple. Asking what each person is experiencing may be more useful than assuming that one does not care.

Try beginning with: “When we talk about the future, what feels most frightening to you?” Listen before moving into problem-solving.

Financial pressure is both practical and emotional

Money concerns can affect mental and physical well-being. Canada's Financial Consumer Agency identifies links between financial stress and problems including anxiety and sleep difficulties. Source: FCAC, Financial stress and its impacts (https://www.canada.ca/en/financial-consumer-agency/services/financial-wellness-work/stress-impacts.html).

For newcomers, employment barriers can include unrecognized qualifications, limited professional networks, language-related challenges, and discrimination. These barriers are not evidence of a person's lack of effort or worth. Source: Public Health Agency of Canada, Inequalities in mental health (https://health-infobase.canada.ca/mental-health/inequalities/report.html).

Consider separating two conversations: “What can we afford this month?” and “What does this situation mean to each of us?” A budget discussion may need figures and decisions. A conversation about disappointment or dependence may need listening first. Neither conversation replaces the other.

Loneliness can place more weight on the partnership

After moving, a partner may become the main source of companionship, reassurance, and practical help. Reflect on whether either of you has space for friendship, community, and individual interests outside the relationship.

You might each choose one realistic way to reconnect: a call with a friend, a recurring community activity, or time with people who share your language. The aim is to make support more available, rather than expecting one person to meet every need.

Roles and expectations may need another conversation

The arrangements that worked before the move may no longer fit. One person might handle most paperwork or earn more; another may take on more childcare or domestic work. Ask what has changed rather than assuming the original arrangement remains fair.

A useful discussion could include: What work is each person doing, including unpaid work? Which responsibilities feel heaviest? What could we redistribute this week? What decisions need both voices?

Make space for connection alongside logistics

Consider a brief check-in with three questions: “What felt hardest this week?”, “What helped you feel supported?”, and “What is one thing we can do differently?” Choose a time when you both have enough attention for the conversation. If it becomes overwhelming, agree on a pause and a specific time to return.

If either person feels afraid, threatened, or controlled, prioritize individual safety and confidential support. Abuse should not be treated as an ordinary communication problem. Canada provides information about support for people experiencing family or gender-based violence. Source: IRCC, Support for newcomers (https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/settle-canada/health-care/mental-health.html).

Support for the relationship you are building now

Couples therapy can provide a place to explore recurring interactions, discuss the effects of relocation, and clarify what each partner needs. Individual support may also be useful. The appropriate approach depends on your situation.

Disclaimer: This article provides general information, not individual relationship, legal, financial, or mental health advice.

About the author: With over 10 years of experience in counselling and psychotherapy, Behrang provides online therapy, counselling, and coaching in English and Farsi for adults, couples, families, immigrants, refugees, and high-functioning professionals across Ontario. He is a Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario with a medical background, with training in trauma treatment, ADHD, DBT, EMDR, CBT, and PACT-based couples therapy.